New Developments in Awareness and This Work
Greetings. Since the end of last year, I have been exploring several professional avenues, only some which would take this work further. I have received a couple propositions for new collaborations to apply my book’s information, but unfortunately they fell through due to little or no substance on their end. I have put in a lot of time nurturing new relationships that were not as serious as they seemed to be. I also spent many hours applying to state, county, and local jobs to learn that the job market favors overqualified and younger people over those who are sufficiently qualified with capable maturity and resourcefulness. Lastly, I had wrist surgery that impaired the use of my dominant hand. These are reasons why I have not been around much lately.
I know that there are “powers that be” that influence many people through mental and emotional energies, perceptions, and therefore actions, but there is also the individual will as well as randomness of events. All we can do is the best we can do with our circumstances. There is a delicate balance between finding one’s place in this world as well as within oneself in terms of social and personal investment.
I have actively sought professional counseling and engaging dialogue with close friends to challenge myself more toward true self-integration. I have learned throughout my life that social interactions are crucial in the learning process, for they can provide objectivity and a new perspective. However, I have also learned to not solely seek out and rely upon other people’s input because it is easy to conform to a culturally accepted view that may encourage unhealthy behaviors, such as the victim-victimizer game that can instantly ignite by conditional energies, not unconditional ones such as love. This process is probably the most important reason why I have not been around here much lately: I have still needed to learn how to maintain my inner, eternal energy despite the hardships I endure, and finally, I feel I have clicked into its greater measure.
This process has been illuminating. I have experienced victimization throughout much my life, but I knew its volatile nature could never give me peace. I desired overflowing, rejuvenating energies through which I feel pure freedom and love, but too many things in this world are predicated upon conditions and limitations. I’m not talking about necessary compromise between different people, behavioral control, and the nature of circumstance. I’m talking about the energies themselves that choke our very self-worth and identity. This is a deeper level of existence.
I only sought love in my life. Unfortunately, we are born completely dependent upon another person to take care of us, and society and religion instill our obedience to external authorities. We are not normally taught to trust our intuition or gut feeling, nor do we easily think to seek love from within ourselves. We learn to base our needs on external validation, and since the world follows the victim-victimizer game, I felt I had no choice but to fall back into it time and time again to seek “love” that way. Logically, I would have known that I could never find unconditional love there, but when this is the paradigm we are given, we tend to bend reality to our dreams and live in a delusion. I, like many of us, deluded myself to think I could find eternal energy in fragmentation. So, I “fought” for love, extending myself beyond what was self-sustaining to me, and when I only received a mere crumb or rejection in return, I naturally became upset. We live in a throw-away society, and people are no exception. I then felt like a victim, and in that state, I could easily lash out, which could make me what I dreaded even more—a victimizer! I have complained about the self-absorbed and selfish ways of others around me, but then I realized I was also self-absorbed in my struggles to find love where little love was. I spent way too much time falling back into this game because I didn’t trust or even know that I could find that bigger love through myself.
Finally, I feel more of my deeper energy than ever before. It almost feels dumbfounding because the process took so long, but when we don’t have a healthy and clear frame of reference to what is pure and life-supporting, how can we shame ourselves when we are rather naïve? We have been brainwashed away from true intelligence and ability, and when we finally become aware of who we really are, we can click back into ourselves in an instant. The objective is to remember this energy when it happens and not let it go. It is a daily act of remembrance.
This energy feels overflowing. It is calm—yet joyous—and stable. I am standing instead of faltering and falling. I am still a sensitive person, and I still struggle with some social anxiety, but interestingly, this energy has me naturally shift away from negative thoughts and energies. It is literally a completely different energy that does not have anything fragmented or negative in it. It feels whole, which means I feel whole because it is radiating through me. This is the space in which I most desire to be, so I will continue to work on my self-development to become increasingly integrated with what is truly more of me. Self-integration—inside-throughout—is the most important mission we have here. I say this because being whole as one’s true, harmonious self best equips each of us to help others. Accordingly, genuinely loving this Earthly body in turn radiates to this Earth.
With all this said, I am now returning my focus to sharing and progressing this work, and I will try to not be concerned with my lack of financial security (unless I am hired into a job to which I have already applied). I am starting to work on a booklet that compiles the science in my book, so it can be easily disseminated and discussed, although the book itself is of course the most complete resource. I will write articles on this website about new developments and information pertinent to humanity’s growing awareness. In addition, I will gain more courage to create other youtube videos. 🙂 Even if I get a “normal” job, I will continue working for you to the best of my ability. I will do this with balance that maintains a healthy lifestyle and some personal time.
With my love,