Below is the entire first chapter of the book Eternal Humans and the Finite Gods.
No Longer a Prophet: My Mother’s Path to the Source
My mother’s journey into the development of her deeply prophetic abilities started through the eyes of a little girl in Catholic school. She went to daily Mass and sat in the church pew, gazing upon the altar in awe. She sensed a spiritual or etheric element beyond her but did not understand what it was; she grew up wanting to know more.
After she got married, she moved to Germany to join her husband who was stationed there during the Vietnam War. She joined a women’s prayer group at the army base’s Catholic Church. The women started to speak in tongues, something she had never heard before. She was so intrigued that she stopped the session to tell everyone, “I want that!” They were impressed and wanted to share their “gift” with such an eager newcomer, so they sat her on a chair, laid their hands upon her, and told her to receive the Holy Spirit. Within seconds, she felt warm energy go down her head to her toes. The women told her to speak whatever came to her mind. She started to talk normally, but they interjected and told her to instead speak by faith. She tried but could not do it, so she left disappointed.
Another day, one of the women came to her house to pray over her again. The woman explained, “Don’t use your mind. Just let the Holy Spirit naturally flow through you, and open your mouth.”
My mother relaxed, and then it happened. She spoke in a new language! She recalled, “It sounded strange, but it was exciting. I was happy that I could praise God in a special language known as ‘speaking in tongues.’”
Something else happened to her from the “baptism with fire” experience that first night—her sixth sense or “third eye” was opened.
My mother was working in a German shoe factory during that time. She got sick from the glue she had to use, so she wanted to work at a different position in the factory. She wondered what time her boss would come over to talk with her about the potential transfer, and she instantly saw “10:30” imprinted upon the front of her mind. Surprisingly, that is when her boss arrived! She was intrigued by this occurrence and wanted to test its validity. She started the process of asking various questions in her mind, and without fail, she received answers.
Soon afterward, she started to hear a voice telling her what to do. The voice did not ring in her ears, but it came from a spiritual communication as how Christians say that God speaks to them. It was an internal sound as a voice in her head along with words that are mentally seen.
She asked questions to this voice of God about her life, and then she paused to see if an answer would pop into her mind along with her internal hearing. The mental projection of God’s thoughts carried words and sound vibration. Upon receiving an answer, she wrote it down to document her new communication skills.
She describes that she did not feel altered, but she felt as though she had a dual connection with something beyond her that was simultaneously with her. It felt natural to her because of this easy exchange between her and her adored God. God was with her continually, as though He was walking with her every day as the famed religious poem “Footprints” describes. The communications became increasingly elaborate the more involved she became in this practice.
My mother went to several prayer group meetings in which she learned about various spiritual gifts. She could speak in tongues, discern spirits, and dialogue with God, but what soon occurred as the most startling to her was the automatic writing. She sat alone in her room, became engrossed in a praying state, and then her arm moved to pick up a pencil or pen to write perfectly coherent words on paper. These words flowed through her effortlessly as though she was an empty vessel. Soon, God would prompt her to write, and her body would sometimes shake under His energy. Her mind played no part in the initiation or delivery of the prophecy.
She is certain that on the night of her “baptism of fire” in the prayer group, she took upon herself a spirit, which was what she believed at the time was a measure of God’s Spirit known as the Holy Spirit, and it used her to give messages not only for herself but for others. The prophecies corrected and taught people, and they broadly predicted our futures to keep our faith in check.
What took my mom many years to notice, with the help of my engagement and questions, was that the answers she received were not often in direct relation to our concerns. The prophecies that she received were usually one-sided messages that God wanted us to know. We wondered why He sometimes did not answer our questions or give more detail because God is supposed to know everything. We then remembered a Scripture that says, “[M]y thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts” (Isaiah 55: 8-9). We ignored our initial reaction because we believed that God was everything we needed and more.
Because of her close relationship with God, my mother felt like she could not often distinguish between herself and Him due to the amount of control He had over her life. He awakened her out of sleep by projecting her name into her hearing and then giving her commands: write this down, tell this person something, do this. She endured countless interrupted nights of sleep during which He would not stop talking to her.
These communications were so frequent that she as a dutiful Christian allowed them to direct every facet of her life. If you cannot stop it, and it is said to be good for you, then surely you must need it, right?
The Bible and Church have taught that we must commune with God above all things. If my mother was not receiving messages, she was often in a state of prayer as a quintessential Christian woman. She became afraid to make her own decisions in case she would choose something against God’s will. She became a blank canvas, and when doors closed on a potential direction of her life, the next door that opened was said to be from God’s leading.
My mom has been a very visual person in the spiritual realm. She saw angels in the form of tall men (never women, strangely) and little winged cherubs. She saw ugly, impish creatures sitting alone or attached to people’s backs, smoking a cigarette along with the person, for example. She saw the Sun jump around the desert sky of California City, California when a convening mass of people prayed to the “Virgin” Mary on one of her “holy” days. In a Catholic church, she saw the spirits of saints walking before the altar. She also saw Mary standing beside her statue.
During the night of her first charismatic experience in Germany, she had a vivid dream-like experience that she thought was the Hereafter.
I was carried up into the clouds by two angels, and I came to New Jerusalem, this huge land. I could see a river with blue, crystal clear water. I felt there was someone walking and talking with me. I thought I was walking alongside Jesus Christ. I saw in the distance a city of crystalline white and gold.
She explains about her visions throughout her 20s:
I had visions of wars and how I would be helping in the last days, helping as a nurse the people who got injured. There was so much. It was every day that I had a vision or could see into another realm. I just felt so open that it was coming and going through me. I took note but wasn’t sure how much I was supposed to really take it to heart and live it.
Looking back, I think I was often a portal like on the TV show ‘Stargate’ that has the big open gate through which you can go back and forth. I felt like part of my being was going back and forth to the entity realm so they could connect to me there. But I rather think there was a way that they could enter into my consciousness, leave, and then come back to me at any time. I was connecting with something outside of myself; they were thought-forms and energy, but I could not easily tell where I was in the midst of it all.
My mom was spiritually open, so the way that she could discern something was when it felt “off” or “bad.” She felt something on the outside around her, and her inner knowing would confirm that it was something evil. It could seem as though she was filled, otherwise known as possessed, by God’s Spirit since she heard it inside of her, but according to her explanation, she was rather a portal for telepathic thoughts from this God entity. This confirms that her mind was not her own when He gained control over it to transmit messages. There were times when this God took control of her body, as I have witnessed and will explain shortly, but it did not stay; it was more in control of her energy field.
She encountered many negative experiences. She thought that the Devil was performing the harassments because of the Christian belief that says the Devil is the only real enemy. That always confused me, though, because Christianity has taught me that Satan, or Lucifer, could not be everywhere at the same time like God. The Scriptures that say Satan tempted Jesus in the wilderness underscore the Devil’s finite nature.
I wondered what this Devil really is. This “Evil One” talked in a low voice to my mom at different times when I was a teenager, saying to her, “I am going to get your daughter.” It also threatened her, but because she took responsibility toward me, she was more worried for me than herself. That entity knew how to harass her by involving her loved ones.
When I was 16 years old, I was lying on my back about to fall asleep, and I felt an extreme pressure on my chest that prevented me from moving. I then heard that low voice that said, “I’m going to get you.” I panicked, but I quickly put my focus onto myself and Jesus and then prayed it away. The pressure on my chest returned a year later in a similar situation, but I again instinctively put my focus onto myself and then prayed to Jesus before I could hear that creepy voice. My mother endured similar night terror experiences when she was younger, and so did a couple of my friends.
She remembers a day when she was asked by a woman from her Catholic church to accompany her to a friend’s house that felt unseasonably cold and scary. She expected an exorcism, so she came prepared. When they entered the house, she saw imps everywhere. In typical movie fashion, she held a cross and told them to leave in Jesus’s name. They left, and the house immediately regained its warmth.
The same coldness filled a hospital room one night when she was working as a professional nurse. Her fellow nurses avoided that room as much as they could because they thought the patient was possessed—he was acting wildly and sometimes yelling. They knew my mother was a devout Catholic, so they sought her out so she could address the situation. She entered the room cautiously and saw the patient lying there unsettled and awake. She talked calmly and briefly to the patient but then went to the bathroom to talk directly to the offending spiritual entity; she spoke to it from within her spirit.
She said, “You don’t belong here. Go away.”
“I’m not leaving,” it replied.
“You are leaving. You’re going.”
She did not say “in the name of Jesus” because she already called upon Jesus before she entered the room. She also believed in her personal capacity.
The entity left.
These incidents are known as exorcisms, but they do not need to resemble movie exorcisms that portray a grand protocol. She effectively expelled those entities and continues to do so today. The main difference today is that she does not call upon the name of Jesus or any entity, and she does not use any token. Our story will illuminate why.
Looking back, she wonders how much it was her or God that helped dispel those demons. For example, another patient told her that he could see an aura around her hands while she was touching his feet, and he continued to see her energy field glowing as she moved up his legs. This was her own healing energy that she exuded. I always feel that comforting heat of her hands along with the love she so freely gives.
My mother has many stories to tell about her experiences; I will recount a few more examples that she has told me over the years. She saw cherubic angels on all four sides of her car. She saw tall, men-like angels standing around her house, in the midst of us, and behind me from time to time. She saw a monkey-like imp sitting on the window sill next to my bed. She saw a claw over churches. When I was 22 years old, she saw a winged demon inside of me while I was extremely depressed (she and a pastor made it leave in an exorcism sans religious paraphernalia). While driving in her car, she can see imps or demonic creatures in trees and on other cars. She also saw a 50-foot tall Jesus walking along the freeway ahead of her, watching the cars below.
She could not help but often wonder if what she was seeing was real, but she was grounded enough in the world as a mother, wife, professional, and friend to know that she was not crazy; I wholeheartedly concur, as do others whom she has helped. Many people in the world say that they hear from God or see strange things, so how can others who have not yet had these experiences say that these people are not experiencing something real and valid?
When my mother and her husband were at a crossroad with their jobs, she prayed to see where they should move. The only answer she could see in her mind was the name of a city in which they knew no one. She preferred to move back near her family, but she trusted this message and hoped to find a better place for us, including help for me because I was chronically ill. My health struggles were a heavy weight upon her heart, and she put a lot of time, energy, and money toward my care.
In this new city, she met a woman who told her that I would receive healing at the hands of a unique pastor in the United Pentecostal Church (UPC). My mom was desperate for help and was open to anything. She believed in healing powers and hoped this would be the answer, the fully open door instead of the partial ones we had received from God’s words through her and the Bible’s prophets.
She dragged my staunchly Catholic step-father and half-brother to what they perceived was a dramatic, loud, and emotional service. My mom and I got caught up in the storm and soon afterward were baptized by full water immersion in Jesus’s name. We cried often and raised our hands in the air, calling upon the name of Jesus as the God-man who was proclaimed to save us, and we both took on his healing power by faith that could now supposedly heal my body.
Although this church was new to us, we were excited to be there because we felt more active with our faith unlike the ritualistic motions of the Catholic Church. The emotions and hype of this church raised us to a higher frequency that connected us to something beyond. Whether it was good or bad, at the time, the active nature made us feel empowered. Ironically, we also gave more of ourselves through full submission. We wanted my healing along with the love and truth relationship with the Almighty God; therefore, whatever we were told to do, we followed. The church’s instructions were supported by stories of other people being healed. Many people testified that they were happier than ever before.
We were told that our new relationship with Jesus was an experience, so it is real. God is real. The church’s emotional worship was certainly an experience, too. Since we were affected by it and added our measure to the pot with desperation and devotion, we felt the realness of worship and therefore kept believing the pastors’ messages on top of what we already knew. We knew that the spiritual realm was real due to the intimate relationship my mother had with God. I wanted the exact same relationship as hers to make my walk with Him more tangible, but my daily Bible studies, emotional prayers, and spiritually heightened nature were decent, tangible experiences of my own. The heightened church experience sped up my mind and body to where my mind was aware of its surroundings, but it was also bypassed by the overwhelming “spiritual” experience that affected me more physically and emotionally. The mind cannot process all of that activity. It is like we are connecting to a large motherboard of a National Aeronautics and Space Administration computer when ours is a laptop made in the year 2005.
A UPC friend asked me to accompany her to another emotionally charged Christian church in a different denomination, or what was claimed to be a non-denomination. This was a big “no-no” in the UPC’s eyes. That religion believed in the Trinity while the UPC believes in a duality of a God-man (in chapter 3). We were both ill in our bodies, so we hoped that another Christian pastor with reported healing abilities could help us.
The pastor who drew the large crowd was Kenneth Haggin. He prayed to God to lead him to people who needed the most healing, and then he walked up the church aisle. I waited in trust and anticipation that he would come to me.
I recalled the biblical story of the woman who suffered from a continuous menstrual disorder for 12 years. Pastors have dramatically preached about this woman’s long-suffering. Because of her steadfast faith in Jesus’s healing power, she believed that just by touching his clothing, she would be healed. The story concluded that Jesus felt some power leave him, so she was indeed healed.
I felt just as desperate and faithful as that woman in the Gospels, and I was ill for a longer amount of time. I was not one to run down to the pastor because he was not Jesus, and Jesus already knew me. I kept the faith as he walked up the aisle, looking at him with eager intent. I was near the center aisle, and he walked toward me. He came within a few pews of me, and then he turned away. He said that the people he touched (and who fell backwards or to the floor) were the only ones God showed him.
Wha…what?! I was almost in shock, but I more so felt slighted. However, I started to wonder if I would want to fall down with that touch. I dismissed that thought because I knew that my sickness was a difficult one—maybe I needed to be overpowered for that miraculous healing?
I invited my mother to join me the next night so that she could give me her input. I hoped that she would receive a vision to make sense of the situation and help guide me and my friend. During the church service, I often looked over at her to see if her expression had changed; I could tell when she was having a visionary experience. Finally, her eyes widened as she looked above the altar.
She saw all sorts of angels, some as demons, on opposite sides of the front of the church. All of a sudden, they broke out into war with what looked like swords. When Pastor Haggin walked up the aisle again in his nearly zombied state for the healing practice, my mother informed me that she saw “The Evil One” behind him. It was a large, ugly, horned, black figure directing him, and when Haggin laid his hands on people, that entity’s power caused them to fall over. My mother also saw halos above her and my head, but there were horns on everyone else’s, including little horns on my young, half-brother who accompanied us.
It was then that I deduced why Pastor Haggin never came to me when I felt most deserving of the healing. My mother and I deduced that it was obviously not the true God whom we worshipped. We never went back to another Christian church that did not follow the Bible as strictly as the UPC because we believed that they did not know the full nature of God like the UPC does.
Currently, we understand that my mother had those visions appropriate to her religious affiliation at the time. She did see real entities, but the religious types of visions such as the halos and horns mainly showed the divisiveness of our belief against theirs. We were all Christian, but there has been so much disagreement over the human or God nature of Jesus that some sects became their own religions with a different God. We believed we were going to heaven while the other Christians were going to hell. We were told that we were not in a cult, but we were also advised to view the church members as our family and to solely hang out with them in our social functions.
Our obedience to the UPC belief required more self-sacrifice. Women could not wear pants, makeup, and jewelry (except for watches), neither could we cut our hair nor teach men. Although we were bothered by the sexist commands (we did not care about the makeup or jewelry), we largely adapted (my mother more than I) because we were told that God had his reasons in the Bible for wanting these standards, and our obedience to Him would greatly reward us.
We followed our church’s orders for some time because we were convinced that we had stepped through the correct door after our last step in the Catholic religion. After my mother’s baptism in Jesus’s name, she envisioned a veil of scales dropping from her eyes, showing us that her eyes were more open. We interpreted her vision as removing the old layer, being able to see our religion more simply and purely as directly accessing the God-man of Jesus instead of praying to intermediaries as saints and the Virgin Mary.
Our immersion into the UPC brought us renewed passion in reading and studying the Bible. We dedicated ourselves to God more than ever before, and this translated to my mom receiving more communications with more of God’s power. If she was distracted with day-to-day duties, she was then forced to write prophecies. Her spiritual connection with God turned her body toward the computer or the table with a pen and paper, and her arm was pushed down to write a message.
“I was writing furiously,” she recalls.
In addition to the forcefulness, there was sometimes urgency in the messages. This was especially so when the messages were for the UPC congregation and the pastors themselves! She felt scared to give the prophecies to the pastors because she did not have a close relationship with them, but she accepted her status as a vessel of God and followed through.
One particular urgent message was for me when I felt desperate for more guidance concerning my declining health, and I begged my mom for a written prophecy. She was busy with other things and did not want to do it at that moment, so I reluctantly let her be. Only minutes passed before she came into my room, but she was acting very unlike herself. She was shaking and nearly hyperventilating, speaking in a higher pitched voice and looking visibly frightened. This was her first spoken prophecy.
I wonder if my desperation “moved God” as Christians say, although I never understood how I could move a spirit let alone an almighty one, but God literally moved my mother and spoke through her. I was in my early 20s at the time, and I often put my needs before hers. Although I felt a bit badly that she was so frightened and controlled, it seemed as though it was a good experience because I really needed it. Additionally, her prophetic abilities were upgraded and on demand.
However, sometimes she just needed a break for herself. She says, “Going back over all that stuff, I remember feeling really manipulated. I don’t like to think about it. I felt like I was totally someone else.”
Chapter 3 provides several of my mother’s unique otherworldly communications combined with the detailed story of how we came through layers of religious beliefs and experiences. At this current point in our lives, we are fully out of religion and are not affiliated with any mainstream spirituality. We both concur that this was the best decision we have ever made.
Interestingly, the steps through religion often brought my mother visions of a veiled wall dropping before her eyes, even if some steps brought us deeper into that belief system. Something was revelatory about her realizations, though, because she was eventually able to combine each new view into a bigger awareness outside of that staircase. Of course, each time we believed that we had arrived at The Truth, but this was still in the realm of faith and religion, not intelligent reasoning. The reasoning would come once we learned to assimilate our deep desire for truth into our expanding world view. When we started to put our personal desperation aside in which we were clinging onto the portions of information we learned from the Bible, the prophecies, and our church experiences, we then were able to look more objectively at ourselves. We were finally able to create a space between us and everything else, and it felt good. We felt a calm strength, and we felt free.
As my mother became more in touch with her inner self apart from a religious belief, she had a vivid dream. She saw layers of herself through which she essentially dove through water, soon arriving to the dry ground at the bottom or center of herself. She felt different after that dream, as though she arrived at what seemed like nothingness in her, but it was something. This “nothingness” precedes a belief system. It just was or is.
This revelatory experience opened up a new avenue in her prophetic ability. Sometimes she received prophecies from new sources. Other times she received energetic communications from a type of consciousness that felt different to everything else: it felt pure and calm.
My mother explains, “I didn’t know what the water layer meant at the time. Maybe it was a reflection of the outer realms or ‘heavens’ as Christianity calls it. I know that there are water-like realms between the levels of the greater universe. There is substance there. The dream felt personal, though. I was going backwards from water to my core and getting to the source from where everything came.”
I say, “Water to me is substance but also a carrier of currents, a conductive thing.” She replies, “We are around 60 percent water as a creation. There is water substance in everything. All creation needs water to exist. I see it as a fluidity in the oneness with creation. It was like, ‘Oh my goodness, where am I going?’ as I dove down into myself and then touched the dry ground. And I walked to an arch way with another door to like another unveiling to get where I needed to be.”
Days after that experience, she saw a vision of Jesus’s feet with sandals and a robe on that dry ground as she was exploring this new place in herself and talking to me about it. She often gets visuals during our awesome conversations.
I immediately responded, “Why are you seeing Jesus there when you went through the layers of yourself and found you? That doesn’t make sense. We are out of religion now.”
That was the last time she saw any connection to Jesus in herself. We realized that the vision showed the remnant of her prior attachment to Jesus and the associated Christian and Jewish religions, for she saw those feet walk away and never return. This was her own inner process, her own vision to help her connect the dots, just as we have other ways that our unconscious and spiritual aspects communicate with our conscious mind. We have many deep-seated thoughts of which we are often not aware until our openness hopefully brings them to the surface.
I noticed her saying several slips of reference to “He” when we were starting to connect to this calm consciousness through our cores. Although it was a habit of hers, we both still had a religious attachment to our perception of ultimate truth. We put what we deeply sensed as the Source consciousness on a pedestal and assumed it was perfect as how we believed God would be—omniscient, omnipresent, and omnipotent. We knew it had to be pure and good, and we experienced it as pure and good. We understood that it would entail a measure of hierarchy because of its pure nature, but we did not yet understand that there could be order without forcefulness and rigid agendas.
Our fledgling understanding of the beginning source of creation allowed other entities to jump into my mother’s opened ability of otherworldly communication. We increasingly fine-tuned our discernment to determine whether the communications were the truthful essence that we sought.
“In my limited understanding, I still got diversions from the truth, even though it was not what I wanted,” she says. “After the communication came through me, I read it and then said to myself, ‘wait a minute, wait a minute.’”
She did not feel settled with many of the messages because they were often connected with religious meaning, but they were at least revealing more of the picture. Coming out of the rabbit hole, we generally saw more light. However, she still felt like a conduit, so she did not delve into the messages because she did not know if she could direct the communication’s course.
This was quite a big but innocent mistake of hers to make because not taking the reins of her part in communicating kept her on the sideline. She still felt she was used to only get a message. She struggled with breaking free of her conditioning as a prophet, which she undoubtedly was as the seer, writer, and speaker for God. She was taught to never be contrary to her duty, so she did not learn to speak up for the incongruities she saw in the messages. Her lack of self-development also led her to doubt her own ability to receive truthful messages.
She knew she found a deeper pathway toward truth, but she did not know how to release her prophetic abilities in order to change gears outside of the entity realm. I think this applies to nearly every person who hears from God in varying degrees of channeled and prophetic encounters. Channelers are usually entirely taken over unless they find a link or channel to an entity that allows them to control the overall conversation. Prophets can also be entirely controlled, but they are usually partially possessed to receive predictions and teachings. Either way, an entity is around, often too close for comfort. This makes it very difficult for the subjects to feel they have control over their own bodies and lives.
My mom felt entirely alone in her new awareness because she did not see it referenced in popular culture. Although I did not share her particular abilities, I had my own, so we worked together to fill in the blanks toward a clear picture.
She explains to me:
I didn’t document everything because they were often fleeting things. I was too involved in it all, in the middle of the experience. I told you right afterward or when it came back to my memory within a few days. I did not have the best short-term memory or ways to express in words my experiences, but it is good that I told you so much of it because your feedback helped me put the pieces together.
I also didn’t document everything because I didn’t have me. It is good that I had that dream about reaching my core that night; it was pivotal for me.
It took me a while to get to that surety, that knowing.
That pure conscious essence that she sensed in her core felt protected in an innate part of herself (and us all), yet it also felt separate. It was and is before and beyond any created entity, and it has no power trip. When my mother asked what its name was, it replied in energetic letters that emanated out of her core, not her mind, spelling “All That Is, The Pure Essence.” It communicates that it has no name; this phrase describes it as the non-moving, pure essence consciousness in the being state. After its essence expands for creation to start, the first type of field frequency can facilitate its communications to us from the simple connection of our core. (Important note: There are prevalent misrepresentations of “All That Is” in New Age spiritualities; therefore, the All That Is, The Pure Essence communicates that this longer phrase is its accurate description. I explain its nature in chapter 6’s “The Origin of Creation.”)
At this new stage of communication, she did not get overwhelmed by a power that made her write down prophecies. Instead, she communicated to it internally when her mind and body were very calm. Operating from her core self was a learning experience since she was still figuring out how to do it correctly.
When I needed information, I wrote my questions on paper for her to communicate to the All That Is, The Pure Essence (ATI,TPE). She read the questions but not with her fully conscious mind. Then came the answer, but it also was not to her fully conscious mind. In other words, she saw the question on paper, and she translated it subconsciously through her body to a set-apart place of calm near her core self. This space is the ATI,TPE, which is outside of herself in a far off place but also intricately connected to the center of every part of her, including each cell. She engaged the communication, and she could turn it on or off as she chose.
She explains her exploration into this new communication style:
When I initially went within to my lower chest area, I thought the All That Is, The Pure Essence is only in my core, but I later learned that although I felt it there, it has its own space outside my experience of it. I directed the questions to this place of calm within my breast bone at the bottom of the heart, and words spilled out to me from there. It’s not like before when words were plastered across my mind as though they were planted there.
I saw absence of light like an emptiness where I sense the All That Is, The Pure Essence, but then I visualized a sort of small sun that materialized words to me like a fireworks sparkler fizzes bright light. Letters would quickly spell out words to which they would then fizzle away. The type of sun must have been a transport mechanism for the ATI,TPE [in chapter 9’s “Core Self” section].
I did not get elaborate messages as I did when an entity communicated with me; these are more to the point. I could see “yes” and “no” very clearly, where the “yes” feels closer to me and the “no” a little further away, probably because it wasn’t resonating with the question as much.
Sometimes I got agitated because I could not decipher the words, and I felt interference; the words didn’t come clearly to me in those times. I needed to calm down, so I walked away and then came back to it.
I have to be totally quiet and blocked off from any disruption in the house to maintain the correct “channel.” It can be difficult, especially when I am exhausted in my body and the fatigue interferes. I can tell when I am not able to receive further communication when I get “yes” and “no” answers at the same time. It is also quite draining to stay focused for around 20 questions and answers if they require explanation. That is why it is best to get a communication in the morning instead of after a long day.
The ATI,TPE reveals that my mother is in the delta wavelength state akin to deep sleep when she communicates with it; however, she is simultaneously awake and alert. My ability approximates her experience because I can easily tap into this different state on demand; it is somewhat like a dream state but more alive with profound and accurate perceptions. The difference between me and my mother is that when I am awake, I do not have her visionary ability that can accurately exchange language. I can translate my connection with the ATI,TPE to words, but they are my words that may not accurately explain the outer realms. However, when I am about to fall asleep and am just waking up, I am more like her in the visionary state. The theta and especially the delta wavelengths are like a portal to more information beyond our reservoir of alert consciousness. It takes a unique person to be in the most calm delta wavelength as an active “channel” to the ATI,TPE, not a controlled or zombied channel to entities as the mainstream channelers and prophets.
As she became more advanced in her communications, the single fire letters began to flow fluidly to her as words and sentences on a frequency river. The river was like plasma that reached her from the expansion of the ATI,TPE via vibrating waves. Her questions went to the ATI,TPE in these waves, and its answer came back along the same river. She could tell when there was interference because the message became less clear, and the transmission reduced to static like on a radio channel.
I ask her, “Why could you not feel this static before? Or if you did, why didn’t you get rid of it?”
She replies, “I felt the static and pressure before, but I didn’t know how to get beyond it at that point.” That made sense to me because she was stuck with what she knew before she realized something more.
She further clarifies that the pressure she felt during some communications came from outside of her so that her frequency river became narrower and restricted her breathing in the stifled transmission. The static thus reached into her energy field, which showed that the transmission was intermittently cut off from her and something was trying to manipulate her.
To get out of this (and any) interference, she goes into her core that is linked to the ATI,TPE, and she exhales her energy out past her body’s energetic field. Then, she may say, “Whatever you are, go away.” The process is a quick dismissal since she does not want to give entities her attention; the purpose is to push away outer energies and not get involved with them. With her rejuvenated energetic boundary protecting her, she goes back within to refocus herself. She asks if the ATI,TPE is there, and when she receives a “yes” in her familiar connection with it, she proceeds with the questions.
She says, “I am reading the questions, and then all of a sudden it’s answering through me.” This is a two-part process to account for the set-apart area of the ATI,TPE and the frequency transmission that expands the answer directly to her. She first will receive an answer near her core self, and it then travels to her core self and her present awareness. This process occurs seamlessly whereby it is easy to gauge the congruency within herself for a clear answer. She also often receives images along with the communicated letters. If the initial response is a little “small” and hard to see, she will simply say, “expand,” and it immediately expands to her.
One day, she wanted to visually understand the process of connecting to the ATI,TPE from within herself, so she asked “Where are you?” She sensed it near her core in that still space within her lower breastplate, and then she saw that space open up into a deeper hole. The ATI,TPE links with her inner or higher self (in chapter 9’s “Higher Self”) and brought it further and further to where she then could sense it outside of herself as an echoed “here.” Then, all of a sudden, it came forward in its expansion and stated “here” closely and strongly to her awareness. She traveled below and through layers of herself outside of dimensions.
She can see herself go down through her own tunnels and layers instead of go outside of herself to connect to the ATI,TPE. She does not travel in any sort of energetic vehicle. “This is a natural process,” she says.
The ATI,TPE is the source of truth and love that we have found; we have energetically pushed and probed and not found anything past it. It consistently states that it is not a God or entity. Its answers to my mother are congruent to both of our inner selves. It gives a sensibility not found in her previous prophetic communications and the prophetic books of the Bible, for it “speaks” from the viewpoint of being apart from the mess of manipulation and creation. It is the essence of life; it fundamentally knows what is happening, and it presents information in the way that supports life and love.
Since her initial discovery of the ATI,TPE, my mother’s communication process has gone through stages to get as perfectly clear as possible without interference. When she links to the ATI,TPE, she is not a prophet, but when entities rarely jump in to give her messages, she is still technically a prophet albeit against her will. Any experienced prophet will tell you that interferences are unavoidable due to the plethora of entities who exist and want to influence us. I uncover the reasons behind these entities’ motives in subsequent chapters.
The key to being an aware, otherworldly communicator is to gain oneself. Since we have come out of religion, my mother has progressively become more aware of her personal energies and sense of self to where she can distinguish between manipulative and pure energies. Now, she can choose if she wishes to communicate to entities to gain specific information about important events. These empowered communications are telepathic, not prophetic, because they have boundaries.
I am very happy that she has been brave enough to leave religion and to work on gaining her full self. She also continues to link to the ATI,TPE because its pre-energy essence is sublimely beautiful and centering. She knows she is not being used like a pawn anymore, but because she is a conduit in her communications to the ATI,TPE, there were times when she forgot the distinction. I remember one such moment when I replied to her in astonishment:
How are you a pawn when the All That Is, The Pure Essence inherently connects with you? Maybe we are all conduits then, but we can choose when we want to communicate not only with the All That Is, The Pure Essence but with other aspects of ourselves. You can also choose to communicate to any entity via telepathy now that you know the difference. The point is that now you have yourself and a choice.
I think it is amazing that you get clear communication with the origin before creation, and you are treated with respect and love. What confidence and joy that should bring you!
She agreed. Sometimes we just need to bounce our thoughts and feelings on another person to get a better perspective.
My mother has often felt split between two worlds. Much of her life was either highly controlled or doing worldly tasks, preventing her from knowing who she really is or where she belongs.
She explains, “It is easier for me to ask a question for you than for myself. If I ask for myself, I feel I must act on it right away because I know it is the truth, but I am not ready for it yet. I will do it in the near future, but I still need to get to the point within me where I can relinquish the things that I am holding onto so that I can free myself to feel like I can take care of me.”
She has been a caregiver her entire life and has made a habit of putting herself last. This habit involves some fear when attempting to face her painful past, and it involves low self-worth. She has primarily wanted herself but searched outside for others to give her love and comfort; however, their measure did not usually reach as far as she needed. I also have struggled with this issue, as do many people.
In a way, I know that we must become “weak” in this world in order to regain our intuitive strength because, unfortunately, what we perceived as strength was survival mode. The vulnerability happens when we tear down our walls and become softer on ourselves. Actually, that is nurturing and loving, so it is not weak at all but the very epitome of strength. Oh, what contradictions this world has taught us.
Another misperception is thinking that we cannot be independent individuals because we must put others first if we truly have love and care. The reality is that we are all individuals who are also connected; what others deserve, so do we.
My mother says, “I just want to be me. I want to be in connection with what is happening in the world. I want to be in connection with what is outside this body and what is deep in my core because that’s really important. However, I’ve become worn out. I do want to be aware, but sometimes I just need to withdraw and refresh. I have to get the strength to deal with everything in my life. All that I went through makes me upset with myself because you think you should be smarter than that because you’re in a cloud, you’re in a fog, and you can’t get beyond it. But religions extol us being led by God. If people want to be little slaves, then they can be little slaves.”
“But, you still want to be accepted,” I reply.
“I do want to be accepted. I want to have friends. I want to belong to something that I choose and something that I feel there is some kind of challenge to make me grow into more of who I am, not a slave-driven kind of life existence. If you are in a religion all your life, that is all you know. It isn’t easy to get out of it; it is a fashioning towards subservience. [Note: the documentary movie Jesus Camp illustrates this by targeting children.] I am so glad I have that choice to not be a part of it anymore. I don’t have anything constricting me. I can breathe deeply now.”
When I hug her now, I can breathe in deeply as well because I feel our fullness; we feel free and present to be able to give to each other.
She continues, “When you have freedom, you want to share it. I feel like there is a vastness to it.”
That to us is what love is; it is effortless, easy. Instead of acting as the saviors of the world with having to tell everyone the “truth” that religion told us to share, she says to me, “Step back and let them come to us in their time. We won’t be stifling them because of always being out there in their faces. If we draw back, we let them be themselves. We give them space, and we have our space. Then, they wonder about us and contact us.”
I agree and reply, “I think that in our position of coming from genuine care instead of forced care, our thoughtfulness toward others just goes out toward them, and they can naturally respond.”
I remember the times when we talked about our church services, and we were trying to sort out everything we were taught. My mom’s love for me has been solid, and she listened to me with care. However, while I was talking, God often told her contrary things that would bring her to step back from me, disagree, and even start an argument. She often believed me while I questioned and evaluated the protocol, and she knew my heart. However, she put God first and followed His commands, giving her much internal conflict as well as external conflict from us fighting a few times a week.
It is a very rare occasion if we have an argument now. My mom is almost always completely present in her engagements and connection with me. Her generous love that she has given to me has come back full circle toward herself, as she so rightfully deserves, and this in turn allows her to love even more.
Although she often felt weak and used by God, she has shown abundant strength in standing up to the threatening forces that struck her awareness. Just imagine seeing real-life monsters on a daily basis and being able to look them in the face and then easily fall asleep at night.
Recently on her way into her workplace, she saw a line of very tall, reptile-looking demons standing in front of the door. She told them, “step aside,” and two of them did so that she could pass. When she turned to see them behind her, they squinted their eyes, showing their disgust and evil energy toward her. Although they were imposing figures, they still stepped aside and caused her no harm. This is because she was one with her own energies that keep her separate from them.
If I would have seen them, I probably would have freaked out temporarily because I am not as physically grounded in myself; however, I am gaining internal strength daily due to my awareness of truth and who I am. I would love to have the same ability as my mother to communicate to the ATI,TPE, but I am fine to not see other entities as she does. I feel their presence, which is enough for me. I have my own abilities that are useful and valid. Actually, everyone has measures of extrasensory abilities that can demystify otherworldly phenomena. For instance, I can “see” across the world and into the universe and beyond by sensing energies of things and gaining a type of visionary understanding of a very big picture.
My mother and I have learned to expand an energetic shield around us from our core connection to the All That Is, The Pure Essence; it helps ground us in stressful times. However, most of the time we feel a natural flow between us and the ATI,TPE that helps us in everyday life. We have chosen to be separate from the religious realm of entities, and we continually aim to act out of our true selves; therefore, our different level of operation most often prevents them from affecting us because our preferred energies do not resonate with theirs.
My mother and I are the perfect team. She gets communications, and I largely weed out any incongruity and probe most of the topics. Together, we connect the dots toward proper applicability. I am very grateful for her, not only for her abilities, but also for the beautiful person she is.
I do not care anymore if people may think we are strange. What is perceived as “normal” in the world of religions is actually only a piece of the greater puzzle that is unfortunately deemed esoteric or unknowable. Our right to life should not be a mystery for anyone, especially if only a select few must become initiated in private to find out more truth! I declare transparency for all, because then we will stop unfairly judging others and ourselves due to lack of understanding. My mother and I finally feel normal because practically everything makes sense now. Although this sense is utterly profound and mind-blowing, it is very simple at the same time.